Feeling at Home in the Midst of Unknowing

First time taking a flight in the evening. So beautiful.

It was December 2022. I was sitting in my basement with two of my closest friends. We were cross-crossed on the floor with glitter, stickers, poster boards, and markers all over the place—2000s rnb/pop in the background blasting off the tv.

We were making our 2023 vision boards. Each of us has made vision boards before, but never stuck with them or had full intention of belief behind making them. This time was different. This time felt as though if we didn't take ourselves/ life seriously this year, then it would always remain the same when we know deep down it is meant to be better and more significant for each of us. And there is nothing sadder than potential not being reached.

My 2023 Vision Board!

Everything on my vision board has been fulfilled unintentionally and way better than I could've ever imagined it. There is such power in setting positive intentions and claiming divinity over your life. Because when you do that with a grateful heart, God WILL ALWAYS BLESS YOU BEYOND WHAT YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!

So anyways, one of my closest friends that was in the basement with me that day is Anaiya. And she wanted to take a trip so badly. She kept sending me TikToks about traveling and I felt I had to go with her somewhere. And so we said we were going to go to Puerto Rico. But the planning was so rushed and last minute. Around this time I visited family in Tampa, Florida in July and loved it so much. I was talking about it nonstop to my friends. So amidst minor stress planning for Puerto Rico, Anaiya suggested Miami.

I WAS GEEKED. ABSOLUTELY GEEKED.

We booked all of it within two weeks of her suggestion (You can read the itinerary here).

I had never thought about visiting Miami. I knew some people who went there, saw things on social media, and honestly heard crazy club stories about Miami. All that wasn't that attractive to me since I'm not really into clubbing or nightlife that much. But nonetheless, I knew there was more to the city than that.

This is why it is so important to travel with people who are on the same type of timing as you. In regards to money, mentality, safety, and everything in between. No matter where you go, and especially if you are far away from your home, you are supposed to feel at ease.

We got there last Friday night and left Tuesday night (We literally spent Monday going to the airport thinking we left that day...)

I loved the entire trip. From the weather, food, people, and culture. I felt so safe. I got emotional giving one of my family members a recap because I just felt so at home in Miami. Not that I don't where I grew up, but just knowing that I'm not limited to a space is fantastic.

Every so often, I am reminded that believing in God is so rewarding. Following in Jesus Christ's footsteps is truly the gift that keeps on giving. When I yearn to have his grace and heart of gold, I am blessed beyond measure.

That was shown through little things like despite us mixing up our flights, we still had our bnb for another day. Or when we were at a cafe, only planning on having coffee/juice, the owner gave us free pancakes. God's love didn't even have to be shown through those actions and can be recognized even by the kindness strangers showed us in a new place.

This past spring/ summer I have stepped out of my comfort zone and traveled out of state to new places. I pushed thoughts of anxiety out of my head by affirming that I am safe. Create the time to take yourself to new places. It will teach you so much about what you are truly capable of and may even offer a new outlet for life!

Anaiya and me got dressed despite not even really knowing where we were gonna go for dinner

I'm reading this book right now (shameless plug: follow @itsbri2av on Instagram for my book reviews) and it said something along the lines that planning to be happy just means you'll always be depressed.

There is truth to that. But as someone who always plans her goals and claims to be happy, I kept pondering on that statement. It felt accusatory.

So after some thought in Miami (literally thinking about it for days after initially reading), this is what I've come to:

I shouldn't plan trips and other goals to be happy. Rather I should access a grateful heart right now, be happy, and plan trips to access other blessings God has given His children. I have goals in order to develop as a woman of God to share his word and grace.

Why this blog is titled "Feeling at Home in the Midst of Unknowing", is because I had a big life change this past spring. And right now, I feel as if I'm just moving forward with no end goal. I had planned everything in my life to the bone, only for it to be flipped. This sounds scary, but I refuse to sulk and mourn my old dreams.

Yes, there are times of grieving (I cried on the flight going to Miami and coming back LMAO), but I let them come and go, rather than being hyper-fixated on it. And by doing this, I was able to be in the moment on my trip and unlock a new blessing that is security.

Went to this Karaoke bar. Everyone and their dad could sing. No seriously... a dad went up after his daughter.

Everything will happen the way it is ordained. I only need to wake up every day with positive intentions, do my part in my community, and see it all unfold into place when it's supposed to.

Despite me being back from vacation, I still feel as if I'm on the sand with a drink in my hand. This is because I give my stress to God and truly believe deep down that it is all handled.