The word "grief" comes from the Latin root "gravis" which means "heavy burden".
Grief doesn't come out of nowhere. It comes after the after of something. Usually a loss of a loved one. Sometimes felt suddenly or months later out of nowhere.
The brain knows behavior. The body knows habit. The soul knows no time.
Whenever I felt sick, Papa would always call. He called no matter what, but especially when I was under the weather. He would tell me he loves me. That if I need anything he's there. He would tell me to buy Bengay or Biofreeze. He would tell me to ice, take medicine, and most importantly rest.
Papa transitioned from this life (the one in which you're reading this right now) in January. I got my wisdom teeth out in May.
When Papa passed, I felt sad. But that didn't last. I remembered him in the span of then until now but never felt grief.
When I was recovering from my wisdom teeth, Papa reminded me of all the things he used to tell me over the phone. I would've loved to hear his voice. I know he is still with me. It's just a new behavior my brain needs to learn and a new habit for my body to get used to.
Part of me felt scared. I thought that every time I am to endure some type of physical pain, I would feel a wave of grief, thinking of Papa and how he guided me. I am no longer scared though. I choose to embrace it and love it.
Life is for the living. I am grateful for that grief because it's Papa visiting me and pausing time for a bit. To remember. Because when those moments pass, it's back to living. And that is something I am not regretful about. Continuing to live instead of forcing the remembrance of Papa, because he will be there whenever I need him, like he always told me over the phone.
This experience of Papa's passing is teaching me more about the importance of not forcing things. To feel what you truly feel. Yeah, it was awkward when it was my birthday and I felt I should be crying because my grandfather wasn't there for the first time. But that is not how I was supposed to experience it. I was supposed to feel it when my mouth was swollen shut from my wisdom teeth removal so I can think of all Papa's advice.
No matter what you are feeling, know God loves you 7/24. Because Papa said he loved me 7/24. And his love was so selfless, it must be a representation of God's. And this love goes beyond physical boarders in this life.
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